Recently, I travelled to Nonthaburi, Thailand for a 4 day meditation course in a Buddhist temple. Although being instructed to ‘concentrate on nothing’ and focus on my breathing, I found my mind wandering to events that made up the year 2009 for me. Here is an account of those thoughts:

2009 began on a sour note for me. My grandma passed away suddenly in January. She was tough as nails and the backbone of my family. I admired her wisdom and strength. I feel sad and miss her very much.

I went back to Canterbury and knowing that it was my final year in Uni, adopted the ‘take no prisoners’ attitude. ‘No second chances, only one last chance,’ I told myself.
Was totally stoked when the UCSSS band was set up and I was going to be involved. Always dreamed of playing in a band but gave music up more than 10 years ago only to pick up the guitar last year. Now it is finally gonna happen. I love the chemistry that exists between musicians. When we jam, we communicate at a subliminal level. There is no loss of expression when we communicate through melodies, rhythm and beat. Language has its limitations; it can only convey that much feeling and emotion. The guitar is my weapon of choice. There is a lot of expression in that instrument when one knows how to touch it right.

I befriended Mike McGrath through IHC. He is 50 years young, full of vigor and zest for life. When I told him that I would like to be friends with him on our first meeting, his eyes lit up and he said: “Can I push you around in my wheel-barrow?” I still remember the sincerity and purity in his eyes like it happened yesterday. So I took Mike out once a fortnight; to the pub for a beer or to the movies. We went to watch ‘The Proposal’ together. 2 men in a cinema full of giggling women. I felt quite strange; but Mike totally enjoyed it. He said it was his favorite movie of all-time. On one of our last meetings, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “Wilson, there might not be anyone in Christchurch that will miss you, but I certainly will. You are a great fella; there aint gonna be anyone else like you.” See, Mike had a mental disability; but I think he knew much more about love and friendship than a lot of people out there.

My football team Ligers finally won the championship. It was a dream come true. 3 years of blood, sweat and tears. There were disagreements in the team; I had bust ups with some team-mates, but we all stayed loyal to the cause, stuck together, and never gave up. It was special. When the final whistle blew in the final game and we sang “We are the champions” in front of our friends and fans, a tear almost crept out.

On one of my trips to Mount Hutt for snowboarding, the car I was travelling in spun out of control and crashed into a stump of a tree. Second chance at life? Yeah, I think so.
I dated a very beautiful girl. I like her big eyes and her big smile. I like the way she talks to her soft toys and ‘brought them to school every morning’. I learnt that there were several ways to hold a woman; one way is not to hold her at all.

In Oct, I read Muhammad Yunus’ book “A world without poverty” and was inspired by the concept of microcredit and how it helps alleviate millions of people out of poverty in Bangladesh. John Mayer’s new album was also released. His take on Robert Johnson/Cream’s “Crossroads” was mind-blaaarsting. I think I’ve listened to it more than 300 times already. I like how he took a minimalist approach to Clapton’s complex, powerful and somewhat overbearing solos. He gave a lot of soul to that masterpiece; I think he actually improved it. Here it is:

Seeeee wad I mean??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8F3MNOba1U

#%!&#^$* that guitar ninja…
What’s that word? Oh. Jealousy.

In Nov, I did the Routeburn Track in Te Anau. I didn’t bring a sleeping bag and froze my arse off that night. I did push ups all night to keep alive.
In Dec, I toured Europe. I walked into LV, Prada, Gucci, Dior, Bucherer. Couldn’t afford anything! Fken hell. It pissed me off to the max.

It was a few days ago since I returned from Thailand. The temple I meditated at was simple and old school. Sanctuary, I soon realized, was confined only by the mind and far beyond the four walls of the temple. The 4 days there were challenging. We rose at 330am, had a 2 hr prayer session, then went to the wet market to collect food from the mongers. I saw villagers, whom were by no means well off, giving us food. It was a heart warming experience. After that we had our only meal of the day. Then we did community service. Emptying the trash cans and disposing rubbish at the dumping ground. There I was, covered in shit and hanging by the side of a dilapidated garbage truck with files buzzing around; happy. After the meditation course, I felt lighter. It was like a detoxification of the mind. Back in Bangkok, I realized my 5 senses were sharper. The colours seem brighter, the music seem sweeter. Alcohol, well alcohol tastes just as good.

So now, I’m looking at the ceiling, wondering how on earth I can make it in this world. Robert F. Kennedy once said of his family: “We were to try harder than anyone else. We might not be the best, and none of us were, but we were to make the effort to be the best. After you have done the best you can, the hell with it.” Perhaps that’s what life’s about. Chasing that elusive goal. Perhaps achievement is all in the pursuit of that goal. I’ll end this lengthy post by my all-time favorite quote:

“Facing it, always facing it, that’s the way to get through it. Face it.”